Riding the river of life....

Ever feel that everything always happens at once? and its all just a bit much?

Since coming back from my holiday i threw myself back into work and started to prepare myself for the onslaught of the Christmas rush. Then i was knocked sideways by a few unfortunate circumstances, we we're working short staffed at work, which these days is nothing new, during trying to hold everything together my boss trundled off on holiday leaving me to run the show, again not a problem in itself. Then my work threw a huge curve ball into the mix, right before Christmas they are going to be changing the commission structure for our monthly payments, essentially meaning if you miss even 1 target by 1% you get absolutely nothing, not a penny more than your basic wage. If this was to happen to me i would lose out to the tune of about 300 quid on any given month. My mortgage was worked out by my bank to include my commission as regular payment as, well, it's been a regular part of my income for the past 10 years!

Then in addition to work/money strife a close family friend died after being ill for some time. She was a fair age, and wasn't going to get better but these things are always come as shock. This lady was a big part of our life as i grew up, she was a good friend of my grandparents and latterly of my parents, she didnt have a family of her own so she would always come to us for big occasions like Christmas. I was upset when my Dad told me of her passing but i don't think it actually hit me what had happened until thenday of the funeral, I remember looking at a sign on the wall with a list of names for that days services at the cremitorium, her name looked so out of place, it was like it was one of the hideous dreams that i seem to keep having recently, but i couldn't wake up. The full impact of the culmination of all my troubles hit me that day. And I've been reeling since.

I went to work the day after the funeral, and it didn't go well, things that i usually find easy, or at worst 'enjoyably challenging' well just overwhelming to me, i even burst into tears in while on the sales floor, which was not very professional. I went home and tried to calm down, it didn't work. I went to work the next day and struggled my way through, but how i was feeling was clearly having an impact on my productivity. since my work is entirely sales based me not being able to concentrate properly could have catastrophic consequences, performing poorly, leads to performance management, if you don't show improvement, they can end up letting you go. 10 years of work down the drain.

The thought of this made me panic, and my mind went into overdrive, by the end of it i had myself living in a box under a bridge!. I know that's not really going to happen but i still am completely panicked especially about how i'll pay my bills if the worst happened. I let my boss know that i needed a little time off to get my mind sorted, and organised folk to cover my shifts, but work hasn't been very helpful, i never received a response from my boss about having this time off so now i'm worried that i'll be put down as absent without leave, even though i have a copy of the message i sent him.

The long and short of this post is that i can't seem to stop stressing. Its like my entire life is standing on a tightrope and i don't know if i'll make it to the other side.

All i know is that everything is going to change, i just don't know whether that change will be the most aweful or the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm hoping for the latter. Either way i wish things would hurry up so i can get on with my new life ASAP.

have any of you ever gone through a bit of a rough patch? how did things work out? Any tips for me?

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